Codependency & BPD

noreply@blogspirit.com (learnedfriend) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 07:35:55 +0100

Codependency is a separate psychological concept that often co-occurs with disorders such as borderline personality disorder (BPD). I myself feel that I am codependent.

A Brief History

Codependency as a term was first used in the 1970's as a term to describe the people affected by a family member being chemically dependent. It was noticed that the family members of patients with compulsive disorders developed a way of coping with life that was not healthy, as a reaction to the other person's dependency on chemicals.

Previous to this research had been done which looked at the fact that there appeared to be an affect on the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual condition of the family members, but no jargonistic name had been applied.

The 'definition' of codependency has expanded since it's early usage as professionals recognised that a similar pattern of coping developed in those who were in relationships with overeaters, undereaters and others with compulsive disorders.

As professionals looked further they found that codependents were for want of a better expression - cropping up everywhere - as more people appeared to be affected:

* adult children of alcoholics;

* adult children of parents who imposed rules against discussing and showing emotions;

* people in relationships with emotionally or mentally disturbed persons;

* people in relationships with chronically ill people;

* parents of children with behavioural difficulties;

* professionals - nurses, teachers, police, doctors, social workers and others in 'caring' roles.

However - although we are becoming more aware of how widespread codependency is, there is still no formal definition. Codependency has at best a fuzzy definition - it is a complex and grey fuzzy condition (or is it an illness or a disease?).

A Couple of Definitions

Codependency involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling and behaving toward ourselves and others that causes pain. Codependent behaviours are self-destructive. We react to other people's pain by learning to destroy ourselves. These habits can lead us into, or keep us in, destructive relationships, relationships that don't work. These behaviours can sabotage relationships that may otherwise have worked. These behaviours can prevent us from finding peace and happiness with the most important person in our lives - ourselves.

Melody Beattie, "Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself"

An emotional, psychological and behavioural condition that develops as a result of an individual's prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules - rules which present the open exposure of feelings as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.

Robert Subby, "Inside the Chemically Dependent Marriage: Denial and Manipulation," in Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue, 31.

Since the beginnings of mankind people have been doing the things that are classed as codependent:

- They have worried themselves sick about other people

- They have said yes when they really wanted/needed to say no

- They have tried desperately to help others in ways that did not help

- They have bent over backwards to try and avoid hurting other people's feelings and in doing so have hurt themselves

- They have tried desperately to get others to see things their way

- They have been too afraid to trust their feelings

- They have believed lies and then felt betrayed

- They have felt so angry that they wanted to kill

- They have struggled for their rights while other people said they didn't have any

In short - they have worn sackcloth because they did not believe they deserved silk.

In her book 'Codependent No More', Melody Beattie provides a list of 232 characteristics, compiled from her entire bibliography and from personal and professional experience, that codependents may exhibit.

These she splits into areas of:

- Caretaking

- Low Self-Worth

- Repression

- Obsession

- Controlling

- Denial

- Dependency

- Poor Communication

- Weak Boundaries

- Lack of Trust

- Anger

- Miscellaneous

- Progressive (characteristics of later stages)

Signs of Depression in Teens

noreply@blogspirit.com (learnedfriend) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 20:55:00 +0100

Depression in teens is a serious matter. Not only can over whelming emotions such as sadness and hopeless interfere with a young person’s life, but such tragedies as teen suicide and school shootings. Watching for the signs of depression in teens is a responsibility a parent needs to take seriously. If a young person exhibits several signs of depression for days or weeks they should see their pediatrician of health care provider. Anyone talking of suicide no matter how young should be listened to and believed. Anyone showing an active suicidal determination should be taken to emergency and treatment should be immediate. In other words, if someone says they will kill themselves this has to be acted on no matter what.

Of the signs of depression in teens the clearest might be withdrawing from friends, family, hobbies, sports and other activities. While all teens change friends or want to try new things shutting down completely or having a very sudden personality change is a strong sign of depression. Depressed mood is also among the signs of depression in teens. Feeling down might make them silent or chronic upset, whiny or angry.

Just as with an adult who can’t work through depression the loss of concentration causes a downturn in grades and school performance. Behavior problems or skipping school is also a sign of trouble. Another of the signs of depression in teens is lack of motivation or decreased energy. Listlessness might be a warning sign. Depression can also present as irritability, angry or even sudden bouts of rage. This shouldn’t be simply attributed to adolescent hormones as this is also a sign of depression.

Signs of depression in teens can be tricky to see. A depressed teen might seem sudden sensitive or even unreasonable oversensitive to criticism. This can be due to a loss of self-esteem.

Other signs of depression in teens include:

Difficulty making decisions
Restlessness
Reckless behavior
Changes in eating or sleeping habits
Suicidal thoughts or statements

A doctor can give a teen showing these signs a simple, but comprehensive questioner that can determine if depression is present in their life. A doctor will also screen for any type of physical issues that might cause depression.

Learned Friend

Codependency & BPD

Signs of Depression in Teens